Sometimes I Wonder Why I Bother Living

I am truly fed up
tired
don't want to go on
sick of it all
lonely
bored
broke
unhappy
unsatisfied
frustrated
useless

on the verge of a mental breakdown
ignoring my phones
ignoring my emails
ignoring the door
locking myself up in the dark of my den
and shriveling up into the bed
wallowing in my own self pity and tears

suicide is cowardly
but often wish it weren't so hard
to have the courage to see it through
life can be good
it was so long ago
now it has its moments
none too often and way too few
i want to go back to the day
where there was no worries
and i was just a child
where it all just came so easy
before the con-artists in our life
before the persons now gone
were taken so fast and too soon

i wonder if what i know of life now
if i took it back then to when i was 4
if i could start anew
and return to the status in life I could have been at

instead of wanting to join them in the after

Oh the wonders of another night of Insomnia

So I am sitting here talking to someone who turns out to be amazingly like me .. and he will probably read this in a moment *laugh* but I felt I needed to get it out how refreshing it is to talk to someone without the need to impress.. no need to hide.. no need for anything but to just let the talk flow.

It has been awhile since I have truly been able to freely hold that type of conversation and for it to all come so easy. I hope if anything I have at least made a friend... who I share a lot in common with..

Letter to a friend and a lover

ok .. i was hoping to hear from you yesterday.. i've sent you texts... i've had no response back to my email texts. none here and none on myspace. You have both of my phone numbers and I called you from work on my way home just in hopes I would hear back from you later. i've given you space but still let you know i was here... but i guess i am to assume what we had is over since you are not responding to me.

i'll just have to accept that. and get over it somehow. i really like and enjoy you, probably more than i should have so fast. so it's very hard for me to just say goodbye. but i have to conclude that when i don't hear from you at all and when i sit here 3 nights crying over something that feels is just one sided .. i must suck it up and move on.

If I am wrong and you have just not been able to respond to me, then I hope you will let me know you feel for me too. If not I hope that we can be friends someday as I enjoy talking to you and being your friend... probably more than I enjoyed being your lover.

xxoo

New Year.. pfft big deal

I have written a post about 10 times and every time have messed up on saving it so I will try yet again. Thats what I get for blogging on my mobile and not clicking save.

yeah i can't be bothered so this is whats getting posted.

my mind is shit
my work is yay finally looking for a new job
i need money as no work
help
god.. please help

My Celebrity Look Alike

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